Scary Hugs
by thefastestbutt
Summary: "He didn't know exactly what had happened in his life to make him so opposed to hugs, but it had happened. It had happened and it had had a great impact on him." - Past, present and future hugs between Nick and Jess... beware of spoilers!


_**I had this idea while thinking about the "too much chemistry"... 'problem' (?) between Jake Johnson and Zooey Deschanel during season one, but also while thinking about the way N/J's relationship is evolving and what I'd like to see in the future. Please note that I used some of the latest spoilers, too.**_  
_**Also, constructive reviews would be highly appreciated, because I'd like to become decent someday. :)**_

_**I hope you enjoy it!**_

* * *

Nick Miller hated a few things, only a few.  
He hated responsibility, he hated making big decisions, he hated everything, actually, and... well, he hated physical contact.

Hugs. Scary.

He didn't know exactly what had happened in his life to make him so opposed to hugs, but it had happened. It had happened and it had had a great impact on him.

Schmidt knew about it, but that had never stopped him.  
Winston knew about it, and he actually didn't care much.  
Jess knew about it, and she respected that.

She'd learned to.

Of course, at first she thought it was a little weird, she couldn't understand how someone wouldn't want a big, warm hug at any time of the day. She loved hugs so much, they made her feel happy and content and just at peace with the entire world. The good thing about the whole situation, though, was that at first she didn't _have_ to hug him, she didn't feel the need to, they were strangers.

At first.

But later on, as their friendship began to grow, it became a little bit of a problem for her: she wanted to hug him so many times, and yet she had to stop herself.

She had to stop herself the first Christmas they spent together, when they watched all those amazing lights turn on down Candy Cane Lane. A big hug would've been only fair, but no.

She had to stop herself that time when they all thought he had cancer, and she did not want to give him a big hug only to comfort him, but because she needed it, too.

She had to stop herself at the sight of him back in his room, even though she was bursting with happiness. Instead, she just smiled and told him "Welcome back, you clown."

Yes, she learned to respect Nick Miller's wishes about hugs, but she definitely wasn't very happy about them.

* * *

Jess was a _super annoying know-it-all,_ but there was one thing she didn't know: Nick actually appreciated the way she wouldn't invade his personal space. Of course he had no idea she had to stop herself from not doing that, but he appreciated it all the same.

He appreciated a lot of things about her, actually, even the weirdest things: like her pajama outfits, or her slightly puffy hair in the morning, or her stupid girly brush with mini ribbons on it.

And then, he would have never admitted it out loud, but he appreciated the way she would face life in general. Always so smiley and happy and just positive about everything. That was one of the many things that made her such a different and, at least in his eyes, better person than he was. And he just loved it, he loved it so much that he couldn't stand seeing her cry.

But, unfortunately, that could happen too.

It happened one day in front of the school where she used to work. It was night, the sky was black, her eyes were red and so was her nose. He knew he had to do something about it, and so he did: he tried his best to make her smile, talking randomly about how much life sucked and telling her she was a terrible shot girl, just as she liked it.

"You call that a shot girl outfit, you dumbass?"

"I got mixed up!I thought it was a cigarette girl!"

"That is what happened. You look like a cigarette girl..."

She was finally laughing and that made him laugh, too; and that was the moment he felt that need: not the need to simply hug someone, but the need to hug someone to make things better for them. To make things better for _her._

A hug would have been definitely too big of a step for him, though, but at least he thought putting his arm around her shoulders probably wasn't going to be that hard.

Not hard at all, in fact. Actually pretty easy.

* * *

Being dumped. Again.

Anyone in this situation would appreciate a hug, but not him.

"I know you don't wanna be hugged," she told him while getting closer to him.  
"I don't wanna be hugged," he confirmed.  
"And I respect that," she added.  
"Okay. 'Cause I'm fine!"

But she was already raising her arms, and getting closer and closer. And then, just when he thought she was, unfortunately, going to really hug him, she didn't.

Her arms were circling him, her fingers were touching, but she was not touching him. There wasn't an inch of her body connected to his.

"I'm not hugging you."  
"I know."

_So weird. _He really thought she was weird... weird and adorable. He couldn't believe she was doing such a stupid thing, he couldn't believe it actually made him feel better, and he couldn't know that that stupid thing was going to be the closest thing to a hug they would experience during their _friendship_: the next time they hugged, that line had already been crossed.

To be more precise, it had _just_ been crossed, as he had just spun her around and planted a kiss on her lips. She'd immediately put her arms around his neck and he'd pulled her as close as he could.

Most people wouldn't even mind about the hug going on in this case, and would only notice the fact that they were, finally, kissing. But that hug meant something, too: it was tight, and warm and simply felt like home. There was not a single thing about that moment that was wrong, awkward or out of place. It was _a damn fairytale._

Unfortunately, the same thing couldn't be said about the hug they shared almost twenty-four hours later: Nick just wanted to make things right and thought this was a good idea, but that hug felt forced and out of place, as forced and out of place their statements felt throughout the entire day.

_It didn't mean anything._

Of course it'd meant something, they both knew that. And yet they decided to bury again all those feelings that were about to surface and tried to go back to how things were.

As they broke away from that weird hug they both agreed on one thing:  
_We should never hug again._

* * *

It was March. It was sunny and the air just smelled like spring.

It was a perfect day, for most people at least, but definitely not for him.

He got up from his bed, used the bathroom and had breakfast... just like any other day. And yet, this was not like any other day: it was the day he had to go back to his home in Chicago, deal with his father's death and find the strength to plan his funeral.

So no, it was definitely not a day like any other, and no, it was not a perfect day: not as it started, not as it passed... but maybe as it ended.

And as it ended, Nick lay on the bed of what once was his room. It had not been used or changed for years, thanks to his mother: she thought it was necessary not to alter anything in order to make him feel exactly at home anytime he would go back there. Which didn't happen very often, by the way.

He was looking up at the ceiling, thinking about how horrible that day had been, how horrible having to deal with his relatives had been, and how this place, which _seemed_ like it had frozen in time, felt totally different now. Because _he_ was different, because he could _really_ feel his father was gone now, forever.

He'd held it together the entire day, feeling as if it was his responsibility to act all mature and manly. So when he sensed that lump in his throat and those tears at the edge of his eyes, he thought they felt like some sort of unknown forbidden act he could not yield to.

Although, even if he'd wanted to, he wouldn't have had the time anyway, since the door opened right at that moment and he felt like he _had_ to resume his composed attitude.

But as he sat on the bed and saw his _friend_ Jess opening the door, he realized something: maybe he didn't need to act all composed after all.

Her face slowly appeared as she peeked through the small space between her and the door. She was being cautious: she didn't want to be intrusive, but she didn't want to let him deal with his pain alone, either.

"Hey..." she whispered with a hint of a smile. "Can I come in?"

His answer was his simple and very well known turtle face, whose meaning she understood perfectly by then: yes, come in.

She slowly got closer to the bed and sat next to him, at his left, her hands on her lap and her eyes looking down. She had no idea what to say, except that she was really sorry and that she wished she could do anything to make it all better. Although, she'd already made all that clear during the day, by explicitly saying it out loud and by helping him plan the funeral. So now she was really at a loss of words, and at a loss of actions.

They stayed there for a few moments without saying nor doing anything. The mere fact that she was there with him was enough and he didn't need anything else, but she still thought she hadn't done enough for him that day. She slowly raised her head and stopped looking down to look at him, and in that moment she wondered if he would appreciate a little bit of warmth... _well, of course not._

As she realized what a stupid thought she'd just had, she pursed her lips in disappointment and looked down again. It was then that he finally got out of the daze he'd gotten into, sighed and told her something:

"I'm so tired..." he forced the smallest smile and looked at her. She returned the look, expecting him to add something else, but not expecting _what_ he was going to say.

"You know... you know how much I hate physical contact, right?" She smiled, and nodded. "Well," he continued, "I know you're gonna be surprised and frankly I'm surprised, too, but..." he frowned as he tried not to let any tear escape his eyes, "I could really use a hug right now."

Yes. Nick Miller had actually said that. He was shattered and he needed a hug.

Jess's eyes slightly widened at what she'd just heard, but that didn't last long: he didn't have to say it twice, she was dying to cradle him in her arms and soothe him for as long as he needed.

So her features softened and a smile appeared and her right hand slowly took his left one. Fingers intertwined and foreheads touched and eyes got closed in what happened to be one of the most intimate moments they'd ever shared.

He then moved his head and nestled in the crook of her neck, feeling as if he'd just found his right place in the world. After a few moments, she let go of his hand and put her right arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. Then she raised her left hand and rested it on the back of his neck. His left hand, now free, went to touch her left arm, as if begging her to never let go.

So there she was, hugging him closely and trying her best to make this day a little bit more bearable for him. She felt so gloomy and miserable just by seeing him like this, she just wanted to cry at that moment. Yet, at the same time, she sensed a strange feeling spreading through her chest, something resembling happiness and joy and contentment, which she thought didn't make much sense in that situation. But then again, it did: because she'd just realized that Nick Miller had finally and completely let her in.

* * *

He was shocked.  
He hated himself.

It was 11 AM, it was Sunday and he was lying completely naked on his bed, covered only by the sheets. He was panicking, his unblinking eyes were staring at the ceiling and he'd been like this for a good five minutes.

_I didn't set the alarm.  
__I didn't set the alarm.  
__I didn't set the alarm._

He hadn't set the alarm, and now he didn't dare look to his right towards his girlfriend, who was instead peacefully asleep. He didn't dare look at her because at that moment he simply wished she wasn't there. He hoped she would disappear if he kept ignoring her presence, or, if such a magical thing was not possible at all, at least he hoped he would just wake up from that terrible nightmare he was being forced to live.

Of course the nightmare wasn't having the girl he loved in his bed, what they had together was more like a heavenly dream rather than a terrible nightmare. No, the nightmare was that alarm clock on his nightstand.

An unset alarm clock.

_Damn it._

Five minutes later he finally accepted the fact that Jess was not going to magically disappear from his bed and that what he was living was indeed _not_ a nightmare, but instead an upsetting reality. It was then that he conceded that he had no choice but to wake her up.

"Hey! Jess!" He whispered while lying on his right elbow: he was trying to wake her up as quietly as possible, because he still hoped none of his other two roommates had realized there was a 'Jess' in his room. But Jess was too lost in her dreams and she just mumbled some weird stuff he did not have the time nor the nerve to understand at that moment. It was past 11 AM, _for God's sake!_

With some additional pokes, however, she eventually woke up, making Nick panick once again when he realized she was going to get _really_ angry.

As she opened her eyes, she sensed something was missing, or was simply not quite right: she just wasn't used to waking up like this. She was used to cuddling and warmth and kissing: on her nose, on her forehead, on her lips, on her shoulders... he had totally spoiled her, so now the mere fact that she had to open her eyes to such a cold awakening was promptly making a pout appear on her lips.

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking at him with a puzzled expression. Of course something was wrong, otherwise she wouldn't have had to wake up in such a _barbaric_ way.

His eyes were still way too wide, it was like they were 99% white and 1% brown, and he was still in such a shock and fear that he didn't have the guts to tell her what was going on. Instead, he abruptly turned around, took that cursed alarm clock, and showed her what the problem was.

Her expression went from confused to horrified. She looked at him, totally freaking out.

"Oh. my. God." She wanted to scream but of course that would've made the whole situation worse.

"You had to do one thing! _One_, Miller. ONE!" She _silently_ shouted as she pointed her finger at him.

"I Know I know I know I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.." he said repeatedly while shutting his eyes closed in shame.

She quickly got up from the bed, put some stuff on and ran tip-toed towards the door to get an idea on what was going on out there. She heard nothing. She tried to listen carefully again, but she still heard nothing.

All the while, Nick was staring at her, hoping to get some sort of news or confirmation about the fact that they were totally screwed.

_They're going to kill me_, he thought. _I swore an oath, they're going to kill me._

Jess was still at the door, too scared to open it and go to her room, because even though she heard no sound, she was still not quite sure nobody out there was going to notice she'd spent the night in the one in front of hers.

They both were silent for about a minute, totally frozen. And then they heard them: their roommates' voices. Their stupid voices talking about some even more stupid stuff they didn't even care about.

Jess guessed all the fun was over, though she knew they had to find out anyway sooner or later. She hoped that would happen later rather than sooner, and definitely not sooner than three weeks, but... it's not like it could be helped now. _Stupid Nick Miller._

She looked at his boyfriend and sighed, now a little less angry and a little bit more resigned. _Stupid Nick Miller_, she thought again, _stupid and adorable._ She was so in love with him that she literally couldn't even look at him for more than three seconds and keep being mad. A smile almost graced her face, but she didn't let it, because she _had_ to be mad at him.

"I'm _so_ mad at you right now." She crossed her arms with a disappointed expression.  
"I'm an idiot," he conceded as he slowly closed his eyes and lowered his head.

And then she couldn't help it: she smiled. Only slightly, but she smiled at him. "Well... I guess it was bound to happen, right?"

He looked up at her, feeling slightly relieved at her expression. "Do you think they will kill us? Do you think papa Schmidt will yell again? Like when he found out about us kissing?"

She snorted. "I hope not... last time it was really fun, though." They both laughed as they remembered how he'd totally freaked out, yelled for like an entire hour, and then lost his voice for a day.

Jess walked over to the bed again, defeated. She sat down with a sad expression, which made him feel even more like an idiot. He scooted closer to her and touched her arm. "Hey, it's not like we can't still have fun!" He offered her a big smile and she responded with a warm one. "Besides," he added "it's Sunday morning and we don't have any reason not to stay in bed for as long as we want. You know, we could.. cuddle, or, well.. _get crazy! _ _"_

Jess laughed at his silly and effective attempt to make her feel better, before she decided to get under the sheets again, so that she could get crazy like last night or cuddle like the idiot in love she was.

They lay next to each other, their noses only inches away for a few moments, until she got closer to him and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. He briefly closed his eyes and smiled before he took her in his arms, holding her close as she wrapped her arms around his back. They stayed like this for a while, just enjoying each other's scent and warmth in that loving hug, not wanting to get out of that room and definitely not wanting to face papa Schmidt's yelling.

No wonder that day they had lunch pretty late, as they made the most of that Sunday morning with 'craziness', laughs and hugs. Sometimes he wondered when he'd become so fond of their hugs, how he'd gone from appreciating the fact that she did not invade his personal space, to thinking he would die without touching her for more than five minutes.

Although, the fact that now he needed to be so close to her hadn't changed his personality: Nick Miller still hated kind of everything and he still hated physical contact with anyone that was not Jessica Day.

At that time, and even after dating her for some years, he was pretty sure she would always be the only person in his life to make him love hugs. The best part, though, was that he was totally wrong: but of course he would've never imagined that one day there would be another person he was going to love hugging just as much. A person with curly brown hair, chubby cheeks and big blue eyes. Their daughter.


End file.
